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The Guidelines:The new essay guidelines are here. Please keep in mind that doing the essays is completely voluntary. For doing the essays, citizens will be rewarded with memberships. This reward may be especially attractive to those who do not have membership money in their budgets right now. 1. Essays must be at least 5 paragraphs, but no more than 7 paragraphs. This link will take you to a site that will help you understand the structure and
outline of a basic essay. It makes it very simple. Essays for Membership: A 30 Day BASIC Membership per each essay, completed and approved, up to 6 essays. A 30 Day PREMIUM Membership per every TWO (2) essays, completed and approved, after the first 6. Essays MUST be done in numerical order in accordance with the Lessons and essay guidelines. Allow this to inspire and challenge you. Allow this to call you outside of your box, your comfort zone and help to put something substantial here on SK. Your words will be memorable, strong and speak volumes about your character. The essays are not just for writers, anyone can do this. It may come easier for some, than
others, but don't allow that to paralyze you and stop your growth. Lesson List
Lesson One - The Gift of Submission/Dominance Lesson Two - Respect Lesson Three - Trust Lesson Four - Who Are Yyou??? Lesson Five - Safety: Are Yyou Covering All of Yyour Bases? Lesson Six - The Benefits of Bettering Yyourself with Knowledge (Learning and Growing) Lesson Seven - What Do Yyou Want or Need? Lesson Eight - Protocol Lesson Nine - Abuse Lesson Ten - Mental Illness LessonsLesson One - The Gift of Submission/Dominance What is submission? Submission is submitting to the will of another person in a trusted relationship. Submission is fulfilling the Dominant's desires or needs to the very best of your ability. Some gifts are for small periods of time, like only in the bedroom or during a scene. Some gifts are for a few hours a day and some are day in and day out, every day of your life. It is controlling yourself enough to give complete control away. Submission is a gift based on Respect, Trust and sometimes but not always, Love. It is something that is given and not taken. It is about surrender. It is a decision that is made with a sound mind. When You've been given this gift, it should be cherished. A good or striving slave should be made to feel like gold or Your finest treasure. The gift of submission should be nurished and positively reinforced. Being given this gift is an honor, not a right. The same needs to be understood about the Gift of Dominance. The Dominant should guide and love, to better the slave. The Dominant lights a path of growth for the both of Tthem. A Dominant should listen, counsel, teach and if love is involved, love unconditionally. Dominance should truly be a gift to the submissive as much as the submissive's gift is to Him/Her. A Dominant should also trust and respect the submissive. Taking on a submissive is an important decision and should never be done without truly knowing what that gift entails. Things that you may think about when researching the gift of submission/Dominance: Is my gift a life gift, an occasional gift or a sexual fantasy whirlwind gift? What if I like to be forced or to be challenging for my Top, is it still submission? What if I like a challenging submissive or do I want total submission 100% of the time? How do I know who to trust? What exactly do I want to give and how much? What do I want from a submissive? What do I want from a Dominant? What kind of submissive am I? What kind of Dominant am I? Is it natural to fear having so much power or giving so much control? How do I build trust with a possible Dominant/submissive? What does this gift mean to me? Lesson Two - Respect Respect is earned and not a right. It is not owed to us. The belief that One is entitled to it because they are a Dom is false. Submissives are human beings and to treat them as such will be a good start toward success. Merit, demeanor, listening more - speaking less, communication, patience, kindness, being gentle, there are many ways to earn respect. Doms are not the only ones who need to earn respect. Submissives need to earn respect, as well. If any person, Dom or sub, is treated like a fulfillment to a fantasy, instead of a genuine, individual spirit, there are bound to be eventual problems. Getting to the bare basics, the bottom line essentials, we are all only human. We all start from scratch. Things that you may think about when researching Respect: Am I respectable? What can I do to earn respect? Do I need to make any changes? Do I feel I should be treated better or less than because of my station? Lesson Three - Trust Trust is a big deal that Aall involved in BDSM needs to be looked into closely. It is the foundation of ANY relationship. But this just isn't any relationship, is it? Some of Uus may lay a basic trust in people rather easily, but this type of trust should run far deeper than that. First of all, are Yyou being honest with Yyourself about who You are? Have Yyou really found Yyour core? Trust begins with honesty. Communication is extremely important. Yyou must know who Yyou are and who Yyour partner is. Yyou must know what Yyou want and what Yyou are looking for. Have rules been established? Are safety measures in place? Trust needs to begin some where. Things that you may thing about when researching Trust: Am I being completely honest with Mmyself about who I am? Am I being honest with Mmy partner? Am I communicating EVERYTHING? "How should I tell Him/Her I am scared?" Do I trust Someone with my life? Do I know what I want and have I communicated that? Do I discuss red flags? What does trust mean to me? Lesson Four - Who Are Yyou??? Coming up with a firm idea of who Yyou are inside and what Yyou want out of life, and out of this lifestyle, should be Yyour next step. Are Yyou a Dominant person, a submissive person or do Yyou like to play both roles at different times? Are Yyou a Dom/Domme or a Master/Mistress? There are differences between a Dom and a Master. Do Yyou know what they are? Are Yyou a novice wanting to become one of those? Are you a submissive or a slave? Do you know the difference? Are Yyou a Switch? Why? What makes you that? Are Yyou sure Yyou know who Yyou are and what role in BDSM Yyou play? Being 'ify' does not cut it in some roles. Being an 'ify' slave means you might challenge your Master/Mistress and cause strife in the relationship. Being an 'ify' Master/Mistress/Dom means that You will not keep respect or trust, You will not provide stability. Being sure of Yyourself and Yyour role will make for a good start. Research the roles, search within Yyourself. Who are Yyou? How do Yyou know? When did Yyou find out? Did Yyou research it? These are some links that will hopefully give you some food for thought on this subject for your essay. http://www.enslavement.org.uk/soyouwant http://www.thebrc.net/articles/JamesBryant/JamesBryant-BasicDefinitions-3-RB.html http://www.thebrc.net/articles/JamesBryant/JamesBryant-ThePlayers-4-RB.html http://www.enslavement.org.uk/iefaq http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/206 http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/207 http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/142 http://dark.delusions.com/stormcat/starting/finding.html http://learnfrommaster.wordpress.com/2008/10/19/crash-course-for-new-masters/ http://learnfrommaster.wordpress.com/2008/10/14/fantasy-vs-reality/ The following link is a personality test Wwe find worthy of taking to give Yyou a rough idea whether Yyou are more Dominant or submissive. When Yyou have finished the test, add up the Extroverted (E), Sensing (S), Thinking (T), Perceiving (P). Then seperately add up Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Feeling (F), Judging (J). Which one is higher? If ESTP is higher, you are more likely to be a Dominant in this lifestyle. If Yyou are more INFJ then Yyou are more likely to be submissive in this lifestyle. Either score my be true with alternate tendancies and could be perceived as a Switch. Start here with Yyour gender. http://similarminds.com/jung.html Remember that all of this is to help Yyou with finding Yyour place in BDSM. Lesson Five - Safety: Are Yyou Covering All of Yyour Bases? There are many, many things to consider in a BDSM environment or lifestyle that would require extra safety measures. Power and Control play, Fear Play, Knife Play, Wax Play, Bondage, Gags, Cages, Erotic Asphyxiation, Chastity Belts, Cock Locks, Electric Play, Multiple Partners and even Foot Fetish. Those are just a few but all require some type of safety from extremely clean hands or toys, to sanitized knives, to knowledge of Yyour partner, knowledge of the act, to knowledge of danger signs, to safety words, to wearing condoms or gloves. All equipment should be cleaned, sanitized and checked for breakage or wear. Acts should be researched and understood. Parties should discuss things and have an understanding of limits both hard and soft, safe words should be in place, what to do in case of an emergency should already have been discussed and agreed upon. Everyone should be healthy and see a doctor regularly. Physical and Mental health should be known. Sometimes things happen off the cuff, improptu, spontaneously. That is okay. Nothing wrong with spur of the moment fun. However, things should have been discussed long before that... like always wearing a condom or always wash hands before touching or knowing the safety word because it was discussed and decided upon months ago. The toys are always cleaned after a session, so that is already done. You bought low heat, erotic candles months ago so there is no problem there. You've practiced tying knots on Yyour own skin with this rope, so Yyou know how tight to make it and that it doesn't burn the skin. You know that your partner just had a neck injury a couple weeks ago, so Yyou will not do anything to put strain or pressure on it while having fun. You know the danger signs and warnings that go along with the acts Yyou are performing. You have a first aid kit and a telephone in the room. You are CPR certified. Do Yyou provide an emotionally safe environment and persona? How about knowing comfort levels (as far as punishment in public, public displays of submission and/or situations of dominance)? Mental abuse, Physical abuse, not enough communication... these are all risks in this lifestyle and in any edge play. How do Yyou safe guard Yyourself? How do Yyou prepare? Humiliation. When is it to much? When does it just become degrading to a person? Getting more in depth about mental abuse in the BDSM world, is there an ethical responsibility of the other person to see it and deal with it? Are Yyou prepared with online safety knowledge? Whether Safe, Sane and Consensual or Risk, Aware, Consensual, Kink or both. What are Yyour safety measures? What is safety to Yyou? How do Yyou protect Yyourself or others? What is most important to Yyou? Know safety measures and possible dangers or threats inside and out. Be prepared. (All of the links are to get Yyour mind thinking. DO NOT EVER copy from the links. Plagiarism is NEVER tolerated here.) http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/106 http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/200 http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/85 http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/86 http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/87 http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/233 http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays/242 Lesson Six - The Benefits of Bettering Yyourself with Knowledge (Learning and Growing) Before Yyou can offer Yyourself to another, Yyou, Yyourself, must be ready for that person, as well. It is Yyour responsibility to be the best Yyou can be. After Yyou have figured out who Yyou are, Yyou must take it upon Yyourself to read and educate Yyourself. Talk to others with more experience. Do not be shy or intimidated. There are those out there who may have an "F - You" or "I'm better than Yyou or more experienced than Yyou" attitude, but if Yyou run into one, just move on. There are others who will speak to Yyou and chances are, if Yyou run into one of those, Yyou would not want to learn from them anyway. Read some suggested books, find 'munches' in Yyour area, read the journals. There is NO right or wrong way. Yyou MUST develope Yyourself. Find what Yyou like. If Yyou run across something Yyou read or hear that turns Yyou on or Yyou find admirable, add that to Yyour list of things Yyou want to learn. If Yyou are a person who will just Dom from time to time, then find out about that. Learn what submissives who are into that really like about their Doms. Read books and journals. Become the BEST Dom Yyou can be. If Yyou wish to become a Master, learn the difference and begin Yyour journey by speaking to a few of them. If Yyou want to be the BEST submissive you can be, read and ask questions. Figure out what kind of Master or Dom/Domme you will be looking for. I say 'will be' because if you are not owned or acquired, take the time to learn while you wait for the right One. Don't be in a hurry. What is a slaves responsibility to a Master/Mistress? What is the Master/Mistresses responsibility to the slave? It is Yyour personal responsibility to be educated to some degree. A Master/Mistress can educate their slave but before they are Yyours, educating themselves is a very good idea. This brings all of the first five lessons together and will tie in nicely with the next four, as well. A Master/Mistress should be EXTREMELY educated. It is Their responsibility to educate Their slave and to be in a position to teach by example. If a Master is insecure or unstable or has rage or emotional issues then it puts the slave in danger whether it be physical or emotional. That is NOT healthy. A Master MUST first Master themselves in EVERY area of Their lives. They must be strong enough to admit that. They MUST be strong enough to continue education and self-betterment. They MUST be strong enough to battle and defeat Their own demons before guiding another to do so. Mastery is not just about BDSM but about Mastering Yourself on all of life's levels so that You can enter into BDSM wisely. You can not coach a person through life when Yyou are struggling Yyourself. Dominance and submission can indeed be used to better Yyourself and to help better others. Yyou must be in a state of betterment to be good for another. Some people are very particular about choosing people to be a part of their lives. Some people do not allow others who do not strive to be in their world. They do not want to be dumped on or dragged down or drained. Bettering Yyourself with knowledge is about experience, learning, growing, communication, sharing, getting over Yyourself, getting out of denial, admitting to and beating addictions/demons, giving effort, DOING not trying, being responsible, accepting Yyourself and others and continuous seeking of information. Just when you think you have all of the answers, the questions will change. When you stop learning, you stop living. What are Yyou doing to better Yyourself? What have Yyou done to achieve Mastery in Yyour life? Do Yyou think Yyou know everything and are beyond learning? How do Yyou continue to educate and grow? What are Yyour thoughts on continuous eduction or seeking enlightenment? What is enlightenment? http://www.teachingselfmastery.com/whatis.html http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/selfreliance.htm http://bdsmentors.com/BCstart.htm http://www.egreenway.com/wellbeing/will.htm http://selfmastery.org/ http://ezinearticles.com/?What-is-Self-Mastery?---Part-1&id=62281 http://www.shindharmanet.com/writings/self.htm http://learnfrommaster.wordpress.com/2008/10/19/crash-course-for-new-masters/ http://learnfrommaster.wordpress.com/2008/10/14/fantasy-vs-reality/ Lesson Seven - What Do Yyou Want or Need? Things to consider: Tops You say You are ready for a sub/slave? What kind of situation are Yyou seeking? Do Yyou want someone who will keep the BDSM under wraps and hide the lifestyle from 'normies'? Do You want a sub who is strong and will top from the bottom or control You sometimes? Do You want someone who will OBEY completely and always or do You want someone who challenges You sometimes for excitement? Do You want a to bring a submissive into Your dungeon every night, once a week or a live-in? Do You want someone who wants to be strictly trained and okay with physical and mental adjustments? Do You want someone whom You can be 'normal' with, except in the bedroom? Do You want many subs/slaves or just one? Do You want a slave with no kids and no baggage? Do Yyou want them to be young, middle aged, older? Do Yyou want them to work outside the home or stay home while Yyou do? Do Yyou want to give or receive pain? Do Yyou want power and control in the bedroom only? Do You want a sub who will come over and fulfill Your needs and desires with no strings attached? Do You want a full time slave to teach and mold to care for and serve You and Your wife? Do Yyou want anyone who comes to Yyou in need? Will Yyou take male or female? Thin or Thick? Someone who lives close to Yyou? Someone online? Someone who will clean Yyour home and fix Yyour meals? Are Yyou materialistic or value the things that are not acquired with money? Do Yyou want someone to take care of Yyou financially or maybe Yyou want to take care of the right person financially while they take care of Yyour home and other needs? Do Yyou want someone to fulfill Yyour fantasies and Yyou fulfill theirs? What turns Yyou on? What will and wont Yyou do? Do You allow Your sub to serve more than one? What are the exceptions or exclusions? Do You want to accept all of the responsibility there is to having all of the power (health care, allow them college, no college, work, no work, decided where and how to live, kids, no kids, how they will dress, how they wear their hair, emotional well-being, eatting right, exercise, how much or little control You allow them)? Bottoms You say you are ready to serve but what kind of service to you really want and what kind of person do you want to serve? Do you want a stern Dom who will grant you the priviledge of His dungeon every week? Do you want weekly pain for stress and tension relief? Do you want to live with a full time Master and be His slave? What kind of situation are Yyou seeking? Do you want an extreme Dominant who does not ever bend a rule and will beat your ass blue? Do really want to scrub toilets and kitchen floors with a toothbrush for the rest of your life? Do you want someone who will be stern but bending and very tolerant? Do you want a Mistress who will allow you to be who you want to be in the presense of other people but be strict on you at home? Do you want someone who will keep the BDSM under wraps and hide the lifestyle from 'normies'? Do you want a Top who will allow you to control them from time to time? Do you want to be able to have an opinion? Do You want someone whom You can be 'normal' with, except in the bedroom? Do you want to live in a poly home and have slave brothers and sisters or do you want a Master/Mistress all to yourself? Do you want someone to take your life into their control and teach and guide you, conforming you to what They want you to be? Do Yyou want them to be young, middle aged, older? Do Yyou want them to work outside the home or stay home while Yyou do? Do Yyou want to give or receive pain? Do Yyou want power and control in the bedroom only? Do you want daily spankings to keep your mind focused? Will Yyou take male or female? Thin or Thick? Someone who lives close to Yyou? Someone online? Are Yyou materialistic or value the things that are not acquired with money? Do Yyou want someone to take care of Yyou financially or maybe Yyou want to take care of the right person financially while they take care of Yyour home and other needs? Do Yyou want someone to fulfill Yyour fantasies and Yyou fulfill theirs? What turns Yyou on? What will and wont Yyou do? Do you want to serve multiple Masters/Mistresses? What are the exceptions or exclusions? Do you want to REALLY give all the power away (college, work, where you live, what clothes you wear or don't wear, the color of your hair, where you live)? What do YOU want? It is very important to know what it is Yyou want out of life and out of a BDSM relationship. If Yyou are already with someone, what do Yyou want from it? Where is it going? Do all of Yyour needs get met? What more do Yyou want? If Yyou suddenly found Yyourself looking, what would Yyou be looking for? This is not meant as a slight to anyone Yyou may serve or own. This is knowing Yyourself and Yyour needs or wants which can really make any type of relationship more healthy and last quite a bit longer. It helps to avoid many, many mistakes. http://dark.delusions.com/stormcat/starting/ http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/2008/6/Dom-sub-relationships.htm http://www.bondage-guide.net/post/bdsm-relationships.html http://learnfrommaster.wordpress.com/2008/10/14/fantasy-vs-reality/ Lesson Eight - Protocol Protocol can mean a few things but in this case W/we are discussing the following definition: a code prescribing strict adherence to correct etiquette and precedence. Protocol is a way of behaving during any given situation. Masters/Mistresses/Dom/Dommes can have a few different levels of protocol. Some call for High Protocol in instances of public appearances, where at home it may be a low protocol. Protocols are necessary for many reasons but the big one is to be able to have in Y/your mind what is expected of Y/you in or during any given situation, place or period of time. Protocol is not only used in BDSM but in other areas of life such as work, school, church, and the military. Is protocol important to Y/you? What protocols do Y/you use or what protocols are expected of Y/you and when? With this in Y/your mind, please review the links below and consider what protocol means to Y/you. Link One Link Two Lesson Nine - Abuse Abuse in the BDSM world. Whether it is a Dominant abusing a submissive or a submissive using a Dominant, abuse does happen. More often than not W/we hear about the submissive who was niave and the mean Dominant who hurt him or her. There are such cases of submissives coming to live with the Dominant, using Them to get their needs and wants met and then disappearing into the night while He or She is silently sleeping. Being punched, kicked, slammed into walls, pushed down stairs, locked in basements, closets, attics, trunks... these are what we hear more about. There are thin lines that can be crossed and total submission to the wrong person can happen. There are people who have not mastered Their own emotions, including Their tempers, who call Themselves a Dom. Some find this lifestyle to prey on those who call themselves a submissive or slave. How do W/we recognize the signs? How do W/we see it for what it is when W/we so desperately want to love this person? S & M is based off of submission or permission and what if Y/you've given permission... but it goes too far? Sure there are safe words, but what if Y/you are limitless.. or Y/you thought Y/you were? What if Y/you lose Y/your temper, lose Y/your cool or get too into the scene? What is someone cries abuse and it was consensual??? So many ideas and precaution is the best bet but... WHAT IF? Please pay close attention to the fourth and fifth links. There are many pages to read. One is about a serial killer with a BDSM theme. These are not jokes or stories. The fourth link has a few stories. Make sure you click "Next Chapter" at the end of each page, on the fifth link, it is one story, but a serious reality check. Link One Link Two Link Three Link Four Link Five Lesson Ten - Mental Illness Mental illness in the BDSM world. The ethical responsibility of the other person to see it and deal with it. Not just the Top seeing the bottom's mental issues but the bottom able to recognize the Top's, as well. There are many different issues that people could be having upstairs. Being a slave does not make them go away and being a Top can not mask it. We've touched on Power and Control and possible 'Anger' issues. There is also, loneliness and depression which can lead to desperation and the willingness to do 'anything' to have someone love them (use them, touch them). What about anxiety during or after an intense scene? Panic Attacks? How does a Master or Mistress handle the life of another when it is determined that Your submissive or slave has a mental illness? Please note that the mental illness this is referring to is not necessarily a bad one but possibly one that affects many people. Anxiety, depression, bi-polar, panic disorder, multiple personality disorder, rage, insomnia, etc. What do you do if you are a slave who suspects your Top has one of these. Bi-polar or rage can negatively impact a Top who is not in control of it or doesn't know He/She has a problem. This can put a slave in danger. What is a slave begins to have a panic attack and hyperventilate? What if Y/you recognize Y/you have this? How do Y/you go to Y/your Top or bottom and tell T/them? How do Y/you approach this conversation if T/they don't know T/they have it but T/they need help? Can Y/you love someone, serve someone, take care of someone if T/they tell Y/you and are honest with Y/you from the start? Think about how to cope with, understand and what to do with a situation like one of these. Link One Link Two Link Three |
